9 Chickweed Lane

1-12-2023

"Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness; and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps upon the earth.” So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. And God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it [...]"

While nothing at all like the Song of Solomon, aka the horniest part of the Bible, I guess you could make the claim that the Book of Genesis is also horny because it talks about humans having children? Kind of? If you squint?

Anyway, I want you to imagine that you're in junior high or high school. You're relatively young. You're sitting through class glad you're no longer doing "Jesus of History: Christ of Faith" like you slogged through last semester. Your Headmistress is about to delve into the Book of Genesis and ecology or something and the weirdest kid in the entire school stands up and starts babbling about the Hokey-Pokey. Amazingly, he's somehow never gotten detention before. He keeps going.

It's a nice diversion.

Baffling, but a nice diversion.

Now I want you to imagine that someone other than Amos is doing this.

Sister Steven mentions The Sixth Day, creation of man and woman, etc. Some guy starts going "bow chika bow wowwwwwww."

He gets detention.

He keeps going.

"I'm in Eden, baby! Can't stop, won't stop!"

I can guarantee you nobody writes in to McEldowney amused by the way his characters' lives so closely resemble their own, their own children. This is no "For Better or For Worse." This is no "Arlo and Janis." Nobody's clipping this out and putting it up on the fridge next to yellowing strips from "The Family Circus" or "Hi and Lois."

Kids say the darndest things.

They do not generally say them about the Book of Genesis in reference to Adam and Eve doin' it to The Hokey Pokey.

1-10-2023

Ok. I'm going to translate this into "less commas, wtf, why are there so many commas."

I say this as someone who frequently lets a comma-filled sentence run away from me.

"Really, Sweetheart.

"I think that when a kid is trying to understand the fundamental building blocks of life and he asks you - a biology professor - to describe them...

"You can't just fob him off with some nonsense about an open-sesame involving... involving..."

"When a child is trying to understand sex and asks you, a qualified person, to explain you can't tell him a bunch of nonsense" is more clear and concise. I guess?

I don't understand the "open-sesame"? Or is "the hokey pokey" meant to be, I don't know, foreplay? Is he talking about open-sesame-ing open the forbidden caverns of the mysterious vagina?

And I guess now Elliot wants Juliette to describe sex to him?

While he eats popcorn?

I guess the popcorn is because it'll be entertaining but like... sexy-entertaining or watching-her-embarrass-herself-entertaining?

Either way giving this child a bucket full of sexual bullshit is providing a lot of entertainment to these two adults.

Juliette's hair continues being cuter than usual.



Anyway, speaking of Amos, Edda, and Hokey-Pokey sex, apparently Amos says "Oh, honey baby, Yee-ow! Wonga wonga wonga!" as he orgasms, then falls asleep immediately.

Next time you're in the sack trying screaming that out passionately at your moment of climax. Possibly while dolloping whipped cream on someone's ice cream titties.

I dare you.

1-6-2023

Me: Well uh I guess "the hokey pokey" is one way of describing terrible sex but surely nobody would describe sex that way to a small child

9 Chickweed Lane: lol just watch me

1-4-2022

"The process of pregnancy and giving birth" is a weird phrase. It's a process? Really?

Amos is once again... six? Twelve? His height is fluctuating. He is SITTING DOWN and his height is fluctuating. He's not walking past different things where his body/head/etc need to be drawn in relation to different places and objects. He's sitting. Stationary. On a couch with a distinctive design. And one of his height changes HAS to be there so we can see his face because McEldowney rotates the camera so we see them from behind which ALSO necessitates their speech bubbles crossing. If you MUST show them from behind then surely the last panel, which mentions a secret, is the one to do so?

I don't know what she could possibly whisper that takes only one panel but I bet it's something goopy like "love." Tomorrow adult Amos will reveal this somehow... he'll tell Edda unprovoked, or because she's announced her pregnancy, or because he's thinking about the children or possibly... amazingly... because he's interacting with them. And then Friday will be a talking cat or two people fucking wildly on a piano in front of 500 people who put on shoes and spent $30 each on tickets so they could sit in narrow seats and listen to whichever of the same 5 composers the musicians in this strip exclusively play.

I'm not sure how I'd react if I took the time to put on a bra and pants with a zipper and forked over $30 to spend an evening listening to Brahms on piano and cello while sitting in a seat with thick immovable arms only to have to watch the musicians humping each other or announcing their pregnancy or whatever the fuck else these people do on stage. Unless I knew to expect that. Like if I'm told it's performance art. The pianist announces the composer she's about to play, and her underwear choice, and why she chose it. She humps the piano bench while playing it, her page turner staring down her dress at her cleavage. His eyeglasses fall between her tits. She finishes the piece, stands up, announces the next composer. Her zipper slides open and her dress falls down. Her page tuner pratfalls on top of her and they hump on the floor. He then mounts a unicycle and plays cello while she writhes on the piano.

Like burlesque, but less playful.

"The process of pregnancy and giving birth."

Just such a weird phrase for an adult to use when giving a sex ed talk (??) to the neighbor kid.

12-28-2022

It's straight up jarring seeing a reference to Amos' parents actually parenting him.

Anyway, here's what Merriam-Webster has to say about Sneak V. Snuck if you're interested.

12-26-2022

I'm pretty sure we've gotten more flashback-Edda-and-Amos in the past year than we've had of the twins since they were born.

And, I mean, McEldowney could be crafting entirely new hot yet awkward chick with deeply dorky nerdboy sensitive artiste pairings, this time illustrating their courtship from infancy instead of just repeatedly stating after the fact that it was from infancy. But no, instead of doing something new with existing characters, instead of exploring new things, he's rehashing the same old stuff.

Anyway, nice to see some passive aggression and self-inflicted emotional pain. It's been a while.

12-11-2022

Ah. I see. We're back to two children clinically discussing the amount, and gender, of children they will conceive. One of them mentions the process being noisy which... ugh.

Anyway, the top two panels depict Edda walking ahead of Amos talking while he follows her silently with his eyes cast down, probably thinking about how many quarters he can shove up his nose.

9 Chickweed Lane for 11-30-2022

The problem, once again, is this dialog doesn't sound anything at all like the way people actually talk.

"As it happens, I'm pregnant." "Am I permitted to say whee?" It's not clever or funny or well paced. It's great that he's not trying to imitate, say, Joss Whedon. Don't get me wrong. But his dialog used to flow better. I mean, he ALWAYS used too many five dollar words crammed into overly ornate sentences that wound up obfuscating his meaning about 15% of the time. I say that as someone who just used the word "obfuscating," by the way. Just to point that out. I, also, am an insufferable nerd.

Visually speaking, the strip starts off on a promising. There are two people. They are walking and they are talking to each other. We see both of their faces. They have different face shapes and different hair styles. The young teenager and the pregnant adult have the same body shape though. The writing gets off on the wrong foot, though, in a big way.

"I don't mean to question you so much." This is an oddly formal, and cold, way of putting things. "I don't mean to bother you." "I know these are personal details." "I know this is really intimate." "Sorry for all the questions!"

This touches on that old bit of writing advice to read what you wrote out loud to yourself. Is that how people actually say things? How does it sound to the ear?

"It's just that I've always worried what it will be like if I become pregnant." I automatically typed that as "it'll" because that's how most people talk. Not all! But most. "It's just that I worry about what it's like to be pregnant." "I'm just curious about what pregnancy is like." There's so many ways to say this that sound like conversation, especially conversation between a near-child and an adult.

"I've always worried what it will be like if I don't become pregnant." Now, I want to touch on something here, two things actually, but will save it for later. As it is, this sentence is awful. "I've always worried what it will be like." That just... he tried to set up parallel dialog, or mirrored dialog, and it doesn't make SENSE. "I've always worried what it'll be like" makes more sense.

The second panel we see them from behind for some reason. We can't see their faces. We can't see their expressions. This is a visual medium! They're walking more or less side by side... Edda is slightly in front and Diane has her arms clasped behind her back. They aren't touching, they aren't intimate.

"As it happens, I'm pregnant." Like... you could say "I've worried I won't be able to get pregnant... but here I am! Pregnant!" or "I never thought I'd be pregnant, but as it is, I am!"

Edda responds not with "congratulations!" or "how exciting!" or "Wow!" but with "How is it?" And I guess it makes sense in context because Edda's been asking what it's like to be pregnant but it still comes across as someone observing a specimen. It's detached.


"It's lovely." Ok, that's fine. Not exciting or scary or beautiful or weird or fun. Lovely. Sure.

"Am I permitted to say wheee?" Why would she not be permitted? Why would she say wheee and not congratulations? Why not say it's exciting? They put their arms kind of loosely around each other but it's not a hug. It's not real closeness. They're having this intimate conversation, or at least a conversation that SHOULD be intimate, but their body language is that of acquaintances who've reunited at a church function.

"I've always worried what it will be like if I don't become pregnant."

Diane took religious orders that included a vow of celibacy. Generally speaking, people who are celibate don't get pregnant. Miracles occur, both religious and scientific (surely there's people who are celibate who've volunteered sperm, egg, or uterus to help someone they love conceive and bear a child), and it's possible to have that choice forcibly removed as well and be impregnated against your will. But if you've always wanted a kid maybe don't take a vow of celibacy. That's a big BIG thing to consider.

The second thing I want to mention is that there absolutely ARE people who worry about not being able to get pregnant. There are people who are very upset at the idea of not being able to get pregnant. It's something that isn't depicted that often, especially in a complex way. I don't expect "complex" in this strip, but this is still something I'd like to see touched on in a respectful way.

McEldowney has touched on this twice with Edda. The first time was when she forgot pregnancy tests existed and assumed she was pregnant and was kind of crushed to realize she wasn't. The second time was when she and Amos were trying to conceive and it wasn't working immediately (even though she got a diagnosis of "superfertile"? because that's a thing?) What's frustrating is that the two story lines contradict each other. In the first one, which is longer and more detailed (both in writing/dialog and in actual art like backgrounds etc) Edda's doctor mentions that she may have a fibroid or fibroids which can affect fertility. She's also a ballet dancer and high end model who is extremely active and has a restrictive diet to keep her weight down. This is absolutely something that can and does affect fertility. A young couple who wants to have children but may not be able to is a potentially interesting story. "Whoops nope you're superfertile, as soon as I reveal this you'll become pregnant" is less so.

This "Edda has always wanted to be pregnant/wondered about being pregnant/worried about being pregnant" cluster of flashbacks is so poorly handled and muddled. It's extremely disorganized and unfocused. And it continues to feel like a guy edging toward something trying not to startle it or reveal too much. He's extremely focused on pregnancy and Edda being pregnant and that keeps leaking through whatever other story or fuckfest he's depicting. Like we get this incredibly jumbled nonsensical time travel anomaly thing that wound up mostly revolving around Edda's hot teenage daughters telling her that she's hot and then we're... doing flashbacks of child/teen Edda bullying Amos into promising to knock her up one day.

What I'm trying to say, once again, is that McEldowney either has a general pregnancy fetish or else it's specifically about Edda being pregnant. It has that furtive quality to it that his week long public toe-sucking story line completely lacked.

It almost feels like the foot fetish spotlight was to distract from the pregnancy stuff.

9 Chickweed Lane for 11-25-2022

Edda's body language is pretty good in the second panel, although that's a lot of hair covering her face. Is her head tipped to the side? Did her hair fall down to cover her face? Is her head tipped so far down that her hand is on the top of her head and her chin is pushed into her chest? I'm not sure but other than that the body language is pretty good.

Something's been bugging me for a while now. I'd really like to know what religious order Sr. Steven and the other Sisters belong to. They aren't cloistered, which means they aren't nuns. They aren't Dominicans, Carmelites, or Franciscans as those Orders don't wear blue - Sisters dedicated to The Virgin Mary wear blue.

They wear a relatively short black veil lined in white, no coif, and black cardigans instead of guimpes (cloaks). Their hair isn't visible. Instead of a tunic and scapular they wear high-necked long-sleeved white blouses beneath light blue jumpers (sleeveless overdresses). The jumper neckline is square, not a V, and not a buttoned vest. They wear crosses on long chains. They don't have rosaries or crosses hanging from a belt. They don't even seem to be wearing belts? It's hard to tell. Their skirts come to mid shin, not floor length.

There's no real need to question this, to find an answer, I'm just curious.

Anyway, Edda and Amos have been discussing conceiving a child for a week's worth of strip but the word "conceiving," especially in relation to Amos, disgusts her.

9 Chickweed Lane for 11-23-2022

"Legs don't work like that" could be the title of most of the comics for the the last fifteen or so years. Her legs in the second panel really do not work like that, though. Not like human legs, anyway. Not like her sexy sexy young teen aged (pre-teen?) legs work in the third panel.

LET'S DISCUSS.

In the first panel, Amos states:
First, I feel I must get accustomed to the whole idea of what we must do as potential parents.

He goes on to ogle Edda and then be humiliated for his ogling.

But he doesn't say "what we must to to become potential parents." It's "what we must do as potential parents." Your mileage may vary, but generally speaking when I hear people say "what we must do as potential parents" it involves, like, health checkups and discussing finances. Here his eyes go straight to her barely pubescent chest, then drop to her legs... which is how McEldowney has treated their parenthood. It's one long string of fucking interrupted here and there by other people fucking or by their young children commenting on people fucking.

And speaking of pubescent two days ago McEldowney portrayed Edda as a small child who was maybe six. I assumed that yesterday's strip showing them both looking older was mostly him just... being bad at drawing little kids. But no. Has this conversation been raging for a decade?

In the second panel Amos is framed by Edda's oddly elongated body. His eyes are pointed at her chest. which is above what looks like two abdomens stacked on top of each other that terminate in some extremely long legs. I'm trying to envision her standing and it really isn't pretty. McEldowney could do amazing body horror if he really leaned into it. But the audience's view is pointed at Amos which is framed by Edda's body. We follow his line of sight to one of her erogenous zones.

The third panel features Amos and his giant head starting at Edda's very well drawn thighs and knees, shapely calves, etc. It's very obvious that THIS is what McEldowney lives to draw because he forgot to finish drawing the chains on Amos' swing. Also Amos looks like a turtle. You know all those memes about Mitch McConnell? Move over Yertle the Turtle, Amos is here. I guess it's a change from looking like Moe Szyslak, although I don't know if it's a welcome change. Her legs are the main feature of the panel: a splash of red against white with a bit of black.

The fourth panel reveals that she's bored of his attentions, he's been staring at her a while, she's ready to discuss the finer points of IUI or something, I don't know.

McEldowney is really hammering home the idea of these two always being hot for each other and always being interested in having kids together even when it contradicts decades of writing. I'm surprised that present-day Edda and Amos haven't had more kids, though. Looking through the way he wrote Edda and Amos during her pregnancy arc, which included Amos writing letters to their unborn children about how fucking sexy Edda is, I almost suspect that he's got a pregnancy fetish that he's trying to hide unlike his leg fetish. He might just have a Madonna complex where pregnancy is Saintly and Holy and Beautiful and the only way he can show he finds something beautiful is to portray it as sexy and that's why the former sister has had so many kids she can't remember all of their names (punchline used more than once).

I might post and comment on the "Edda forgets that pregnancy tests exist and convinces herself that she's pregnant and also abortion is so BAD and EVIL that a RANDOM FEMINIST has to show up to urge Edda to get an abortion OR ELSE." It includes Seth threatening her about keeping the baby. (Speaking of, he's well established as wanting kids so, again, I expect to see Fernanda pregnant any day now or else they'll be shown Grappling With Fertility. I do wonder what McEldowney's stance on IVF is. I bet we disagree about it!)